House rule #1: no advice for a kid you've never met

One rule holds this whole community together, so we put it first. We don't hand out fixes for a child we've never met. When a parent posts "my 3-year-old won't stay in bed," the instinct is to fire back with the thing that worked for YOUR kid. Gate. Bedtime pass. Cry it out. Don't cry it out. Melatonin. And every one of those answers is about a different child than the one in the post. So here's how we reply, especially in "What's Going On?": before you suggest anything, ask ONE question that sharpens the picture. Sharpen the Pinpoint, the Setting, the Trigger, or the count. • "What happens in the ten minutes right before you say goodnight?" • "Is it every night, or worse on some nights than others?" • "When she gets out of bed, what's the very first thing she does or says?" A good question is worth ten pieces of advice, because it helps the parent see their own pattern — and they're the only one in the room who's actually met the kid. This isn't about being precious. It's that shotgun advice is how parents end up trying six things at once, fixing nothing, and feeling like failures. Slow down. Ask first. The advice will be better when it comes, because it'll be aimed at a real child instead of a category.