Describe demo: reframing "he's just defiant"

In one line

Everyone tells me my 4-year-old is 'just defiant.' I wanted to see if that's actually true.

Pinpoint

When I give a direct instruction while he's mid-activity ('shoes on, we're going'), he says 'no' and keeps doing what he's doing. If I give a two-minute warning first, he complies about half the time without a fight.

Setting

Mostly transitions out of play — leaving the house in the morning, coming in from the yard, TV off before dinner. Kitchen and front door are the hot spots.

Trigger

An abrupt instruction that ends a thing he's absorbed in, with no warning. 'Defiance' almost never shows up when he's between activities and not deep in something.

Aftermath

With no warning: 'no', I repeat louder, he digs in, I end up carrying him or counting to three. With a warning + naming what's next: he grumbles but comes. Same kid, different setup.